Fear of Feedback
Who were (or are) your favourite school teachers? I am forever grateful to the likes of Mrs Lue and Mr Sullivan for the impact they had on my education. But the reason they stick out is not because we always got on (Mrs Lue once asked me why I was the classroom ruffian). The reason they stand out is because they sometimes gave me bad grades and were prepared to push me and help me to get better.
Feedback comes in all sorts of ways. Some work reviewed at home, the hard words of a friend, an honest conversation with a parent or a spouse. Over the years I’ve become better at receiving feedback (albeit with room to grow). While I don’t think it’ll ever be fun, I am learning to appreciate critique more than praise. The latter is encouraging but the former helps me grow.
I find it interesting as I read the gospels at how much Jesus challenges his disciples. He was no doubt a great encourager but in his commitment to develop 12 men who would establish the church, Jesus didn’t hold back on feedback. He asked questions that revealed their assumptions, he told them stories that revealed their hearts and even rebuked their unbelief.
I find something similar with Scripture which God has given to equip us for every good work. It reveals the way things are, where we’re lost, how we get back to the path and how we stay on the path. It consistently invites us to change.
So whether from one another or from the Word, let me share a couple of things that I’m learning that help:
Say thank you. It’s not easy plucking up the courage to challenge someone. I think it’s a great idea to acknowledge that and thank the person for sharing it with you (even if you may not agree). You can also thank God when you feel convicted by something you read in the Bible.
It’s for you, not about you. One of the big reasons for that stomach twisting feeling is that we take critique to heart and assume we’re somehow broken. As a follower of Jesus, remember that you belong in the family of God, you are loved like a favourite and God is well pleased with you… Full stop. Critique can never diminish that. It’s about something you’ve done or not done. It’s not about who you are.
Lean into the learning. Praise is encouraging but it gives little to learn. Critique can give clarity on how I can grow. It means I have the opportunity to never make the same mistake again. I realise that sometimes people will be overly critical and not constructive. However, even then, you can discern what’s true and look for ways to learn.
“Rebuke the wise and they will be wiser still.” - Proverbs 9:8b
Much love,
Simon
This post is part of the Senior Pastor’s weekly blog. Go to the blog feed >>